Umuntu uwo ariwe wese ufite umuntu akunda cyane kandi akaba yifuza katamutakaza. Ahorana ikibazo cyo kumenya ikintu nyakuri umukunzi we yishimira ku buryo yajya akimukorera kenshi gashoboka ngo urukundo rwabo rukure. Menya uburyo wakoresha ugatonesha umukunzi wawe binyuze mu ngingo 5 'The 5 love languages’.
Kuri iyi Isi nta muntu utifuza gukundwa cyangwa ngo
akunde gusa ntabwo ari ibya buri wese guhishurirwa ibanga ry’urukundo kuko hari
abantu baba batazi gutonesha abakunzi babo cyangwa kubasha kuba umutoni mu
rukundo barimo.
Uburyo wamenya icyo umukunzi wawe yishimira cyane
bwasobanuwe n’umugabo w’umuhanga cyane mu by’imibanire y’abantu, umwanditsi
w’ibitabo akaba n’umunyamakuru witwa Dr. Gary Chapman abicishije mu gitabo
yanditse mu mwaka wa 1995 cyamamaye ku izina rya The 5 love languages.
Igitabo
the five love languages cyafashije benshi
Muri iki gitabo Chapman yafashe urukundo
arugereranya n’umubumbe uriho abantu bumva indimi 5 zitandukanye aho buri wese
aba akeneye kubwirwa mu rurimi yisangamo kurenza izindi.
Asobanura uburyo abantu benshi bakunze kwibeshya ko
niba ukunda umuntu byanze bikunze uba ugomba kumusohokana, ukamuzanira impano,
ukamuganiriza umwanya munini kuri telephone n’ibindi byinshi cyane. Ibi byose
ni byiza cyane ntako bisa rwose, kuko bituma amarangamutima y'uwo mukundana
azamuka bikamugaragariza ko umwitayeho.
Gusa ku rundi ruhande, ntwabo ari abantu bose bakunda kuganirizwa kuri telephone umwanya munini kuko hari ababifata nko guta umwanya,
si nako abantu bose bakunda impano kuko hari abazifata nko gutagaguza
amafaranga.
Tugiye kurebera hamwe izo ndimi 5 zumvwa bitandukanye mu isi y’urukundo, ibi bikaba byagufasha kurambana n'uwo ukunda, kumenya icyo akunda cyangwa se icyo yanga maze bikaba byagufasha kuzamura umubano wanyu.
1.
Amagamo
aryohereye cyane
Hari abantu mu rukundo bakunda amagambo aryoheye
amatwi bakumva icyanga cy’urukundo igihe babwiwe interuro zibubaka. Muri iki
gitabo Dr Chapman yavuze ko abantu bateye batya ururimi rwabo rw’urukundo (love
language) bumva cyangwa se bagomba kuganirizwamo ari amagambo meza yo kubaha
agaciro (Words of Affirmation).
Si ngombwa ibintu bihambaye cyangwa se birimo
ubwenge bwinshi ku buryo bigoranye kubyumva, ahubwo interuro ngufi ziganjemo
kumushimagiza ndetse no kumwereka ko ari mwiza igihe cyose, bishobora gutuma
umutima we uwigarurira.
Ibizakubwira ko umukunzi wawe akunda amagambo meza
kurenza ibindi ni uko uzabona yishimye cyane igihe umubwiye ko ameze neza mu
buryo ubu n'ubu cyangwa se igihe umushimye ku bw’igikorwa runaka yakoze
akakugaragariza ko bimunejeje ku rwego rwo hejuru.
Ingero nke z'ibyo wabwira uwo mukundana igihe wamenye
ko mu isi y’urukundo akunda ururimi rw’amagambo aryoheye amatwi;
“Ni wowe wenyine nkunda”
“Sinjya nkurambirwa”
“Iyo wambaye utyo ugaragara neza cyane”
“Utuma mpora nishimye”
“Nakunze uko wasokoje uyu munsi”,
“Nishimira kuba ngufite, n’ibindi.
Nyuma y'ibyo wongeraho amagambo nka 'ndagukunda' ukabimubwira kenshi gashoboka. Ku rundi ruhande, amagambo mabi aseserereza ashobora
gutera ishavu rikomeye umukunzi wawe uteye atya ndetse rwose bikaba byamugora
kukubabarira kuko amagambo ari cyo kintu aha agaciro kurenza ibindi byose.
Hari
abantu mu rukundo bashimishwa no kubwirwa amagambo anogeye amatwi kurenza ibindi
2.
Gukorerwa
imirimo y’ubufasha mu bintu binyuranye
Hari abantu nanone bumva banezerewe ari uko beretswe
urukundo binyuze mu rurimi rw’ibikorwa kandi bitanahambaye cyane (Acts of
service). Ibiranga bene aba bantu ni uguhora bumvikana bavuga ngo ”ibikorwa biruta
amagambo”.
Niba ufite umukunzi uhora akubwira ko yanga umuntu uvuga adakora cyangwa se agakunda kukubwira ko buriya ibikorwa biruta amagambo, cyangwa se ukabona igihe ari gukora ibintu runaka aba ashaka ko uba umuri iruhande cyangwa se uri kumufasha, jya umenya ko urukundo arwumva binyuze mu bikorwa.
Icyo aba ashaka si impano, si amafaranga cyangwa ikindi icyo ari cyo cyose ahubwo ni ukukubona uri kumukorera utuntu duto cyane rwose nko; kumutekera, kumumesera n’utundi tuntu tumwereka ko wakoresheje ibitekerezo, umwanya wawe n’imbaraga ku bwe.
Niba ufite umukunzi ukunda ibi rero mwaba mubana
cyangwa se mubyitegura, uba ugomba kubimukorera kandi ukabikora n’umutima mwiza
ntiwumve ko ari ukukugira umucakara we. Iyo ubikoze wishimye abona ko ari
uw’agaciro mu maso yawe kandi ko uzahora umurwanira ishyaka igihe cyose
ndetse n’igihe azaba afite imbaraga nke ko uzakomeza kumuba hafi.
Gutekera umukunzi wawe byamunezeza igihe 'love language' ye ari ugufashwa imirimo
3.
Kwakira
impano
Mu rukundo hari abantu bakunda impano byahebuje
ku buryo abikwibwirira cyangwa akabiganira n’abandi atanyuze ku ruhande ati ”
Jyewe rwose unkunda ntumpe impano byaba ari nko gukora ubusa”. Bene uyu muntu
yumva uburyohe bw’urukundo iyo abwiwe mu rurimi Dr. Chapman yise kwakira impano
(Receiving Gifts).
Niba umukunzi wawe cyangwa se umufasha wawe ubona
akunda impano cyane, buri gihe ntibizagusaba ko ukoresha amafaranga menshi ngo
umugurire ibimushimisha kuko ibintu bito by’amafaranga macye ariko bifite
igisobanuro runaka mu rukundo nabyo byajya bimikora ku mutima, akumva akunzwe
kandi yishimiwe bihebuje.
Aha ngaha bitandukanye no ku bijyanye no gukorerwa
imirimo kuko aha ukora ibijyanye no gufasha umukunzi wawe mu byo nawe ashobora
kwikorera by’imirimo ya buri munsi isanzwe.
Impano
akenshi zitanasaba amafaranga menshi zatuma umukunzi wawe akwiyumvamo
bidasanzwe igihe guhabwa impano ari byo yishimira
4.
Kumarana
igihe
Umukunzi wishimira kumarana igihe nawe ni wa wundi
uhora yifuza ko mwamarana umwanya munini muganira, mwaba muri kumwe cyangwa
mutari kumwe, mwaba muvugana cyangwa se mwandikirana. Bene uyu muntu si ngombwa
ko umara icyo gihe cyose muvugana umubwira amagambo y’urukundo gusa, ahubwo we
aba akeneye ko umuha igihe gusa n'iyo wamubwira ibintu bisekeje cyangwa se
mukiganirira amakuru yiriwe avugwa biramushimisha.
Ikindi cyakubwira ko umukunzi wawe Love language ye
ari ukumarana igihe ni uko uzumva buri gihe yifuza ko musohokana nko ku mazi, mu
kabyiniro n’ahandi ku buryo mbese muryoherwa n’ubuzima muri hamwe.
Niba rero umuntu mukundana yiyumva muri iki kiswe ururimi
rwo kumarana igihe, aba akeneye ko igihe muganira aba ari we uha agaciro
kurenza ibindi byose muri ako kanya kuko iruhande rwawe ni ho hantu honyine
yumva atuje kandi aguwe neza cyane.
Ibintu byo kumubwira ngo abe yihanganye uvugane n'undi muntu igihe muri kuvuganira kuri telephone, kwigira ku mbuga nkoranyambaga igihe muri kuganira mwegeranye ni bibi cyane.
Buri gihe uhinduye itariki mwari guhuriraho, cyangwa ntugaragare aho mwasezeranye guhurira biramubabaza cyane igiye love language ye ari ukumarana igihe, kuko ahita akeka ko hari ibindi bintu umurutisha.
Guha
umwanya umuntu ukunda ni iby’ingenzi mu rukundo niba yarakugaragarije ko
aryoherwa n’urukundo igihe muri kumwe igihe kirekire
5.
Gukora
ndetse no gukorwaho
Umuntu ufite iyi Love language, nta kintu
kimuryohera mu rukundo nko kumva hafi ye umubiri w'uwo bakundana uri kumukoraho
nawe awukoraho. Uyu muntu wumva uburyohe bw’urukundo binyuze mu gukorwaho yumva
atuje cyane igihe umufashe mu biganza, akumva isi iryoshye igihe umukunzi we
amusoma, yumva akunzwe igihe uwo bakundana bahoberanye umwanya munini
bagundiranye (Hugging), n’ibindi byose byiganjemo ugukoranaho kw’imibiri yabo
bombi.
Igihe rero ufite umukunzi umeze atya, niba agusabye
ko umusoma cyangwa se we ngo agusome n’igihe agusabye ko mwegerana bidasanzwe
ibi akabikora inshuro nyinshi, ntugakeke ko ari imico mibi afite ahubwo ujye umenya
ko kumva urukundo nyakuri kuri we binyura mu gukoranaho, kandi ko ari ibisanzwe
kuko hari abantu benshi bameze batyo.
Niba rero umukunzi wawe ururimi yiyumva mo cyane mu
rukundo ari ugukoranaho, impano z’agaciro ako ariko kose, kumusohokana ahantu
hahenze cyangwa se kumubwira amagambo asize ubuki (imitoma) ntabeo ari byo bw’ingenzi
nubwo nabyo biba bikenewe. Ahubwo aba ashaka kukumva hafi ye atari mu buryo
bw’amarangamutima gusa, ahubwo ari mu buryo bufatika ku buryo agufata akakumva
neza.
Umuntu
ufite love language ya Physical touch (Gukorana ho) anezerwa no kumva umubiri
w’umukunzi we ukora kuwe
Muri make, ibi bintu byose byavuzwe na Dr. Chapman
yise indimi z’urukundo (Love languages) ntawavuga ko hari icyo yanga kuko byose
bishimisha kandi ari ingenzi mu rukundo, gusa abantu bose ntibabikunda kimwe
kuko hari icyo buri muntu yisangamo kurenza ibindi byose. Iyo umenye rero icyo
uwo ukunda yishimira cyane, nawe kandi akamenya icyo ukunda kuruta ibindi, umubano wanyu, urukundo ndetse n’urugo rwanyu ntibijegajega.
Dr.
Gary Chapman wanditse igitabo cyakunzwe na benshi cyitwa The 5 love languages
Src: The 5 Love languages by Dr. Gary
Chapman
Umwanditsi: Soter
DUSABIMANA-InyaRwanda.com
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