Ibintu 5 ababyeyi badakwiye guhatira abana gukora

Ababyeyi n’abarezi bakwiye gushyira imbaraga mu kwigisha abana binyuze mu kubaha rugero rwiza mu myitwarire no mu migirire, ibiganiro bifunguye no kubatera inkunga mu buryo butuje babasha kumva byoroshye. Iyo abana bahabwa umudendezo wo gutekereza no guhitamo, bakurana ubushobozi bwo kwifatira imyanzuro myiza.

Gutoza abana imico myiza ni ingenzi, ariko rimwe na rimwe ababyeyi bashobora kubashyiraho igitutu batabizi. Hari ibintu bisa n’iby’ingenzi mu kurera umwana w’inyangamugayo, ariko kubimuhatira bishobora kugira ingaruka mbi.

Dore ibintu 5 ababyeyi badakwiye guhatira abana babo gukora, n’impamvu zabyo.

1. Kumenyana no kuba inshuti na buri wese

Ni ibisanzwe ko ababyeyi bashishikariza abana babo kuba abanyampuhwe no kwakira abandi, ariko kubahatira kumenya no kuba inshuti na buri wese bishobora kugira ingaruka mbi. Nk'uko abantu bakuru bafite amahitamo n’abo biyumvamo, abana na bo bafite abo bumva babakwiye.

Kubahatira imibanire bishobora gutuma birengagiza amarangamutima yabo no kwihanganira imibanire itari myiza. Ahubwo, bigisha abana kwubaha bose, ariko bakagira ubushishozi mu guhitamo inshuti zabo.

Abahanga bavuga ko ari byiza gushishikariza abana kuba beza no kubaha abandi, ariko ukabareka bakihitiramo inshuti zabo za hafi. Ni byiza kandi kwigisha abana gushyiraho imipaka myiza mu bushuti. Ababyeyi bakwiye gufasha abana kumenya gutandukanya ubucuti bwiza n’ubwangiza aho kubahatira kugirana umubano n’abo badashaka.

2. Gusaba imbabazi iyo batabikuye ku mutima

Kwisabira imbabazi ni isomo rikomeye mu buzima, ariko iyo abana babihatiriwe bidafite igisobanuro, biratakaza agaciro. Igihe ubahatiye kuvuga "mbabarira" bidafite ikinyabupfura cyangwa nta kumva impamvu yabyo, bibatera kumva ko ari ijambo gusa ritagira igisobanuro.

Ahubwo, bigisha abana uko ibikorwa byabo bishobora kubabaza abandi, kandi ubafashe kubona uko bashobora kugaragaza kwicuza mu buryo bwabo bwumvikana.

Umwanditsi w’ibitabo Dr. Laura Markham wanditse igitabo "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting", yagarutse ku buryo bukwiye kandi bufasha ababyeyi kwigisha abana uburyo butabangamye bwo kwigisha abana gusaba imbabazi.

Dr. Laura Markham mu byegeranyo yatanze yagize ati: "Aho kubahatira kuvuga "mbabarira," bafashe kumva ingaruka z’ibikorwa byabo ku bandi. Kwigisha abana kumva ibyiyumvo by’abandi binyuze mu biganiro, ibitabo no kubaha, ni urugero rwiza.

• Ati "Shishikariza abana kugaragaza kwicuza mu buryo butabatera igitutu, nko gukoresha igikorwa cyiza kimusigira isomo no kwikosora abyibwirj we ubwe."

3. Kubahatira kurya nubwo batariye

Ababyeyi benshi bakunda guhangayikishwa n’imirire y’abana babo, ariko kubahatira kurya igihe batishimye cyangwa batariye, kandi badashonje cyangwa batarageza igihe bashaka kurya, bishobora kubangiriza imyumvire ku biryo.

Ibi bishobora gutuma barenzaho kurya batarasonza cyangwa bakagira ibyiyumviro bidakwiye/bipfuye ku biryo. Ahubwo, biba byiza iyo ubahahe amafunguro arimo intungamubiri ku masaha asanzwe kandi wubahe uko umwana yumva umubiri we. Kubigisha kurya babizi neza ni ingenzi, kurusha kubahatira gusukura isahani.

Umushakashatsi akaba n’umwanditsi w’ibitabo, Ellyn Satter, wanditse Igitabo "Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense", yatanze ubujyanama mu buryo bufasha Umubyeyi uburyo agaburira umwana we:

• Umubyeyi akwiye gurikiza kumenya inshingano ze mu kugaburira umwana; akarekera n’umwana inshingano mu mirire:Umubyeyi atanga ibiryo, abana bakihitiramo ingano barya. Mubyeyi, irinde gukoresha ibiryo nk’igihembo cyangwa igihano. Shishikariza abana kumenya kumva igihe bafite inzara cyangwa bahaze aho kubahatira gusukura isahani.

4. Gusangira ibintu byabo buri gihe

Gusangira ni indangagaciro nziza, ariko abana ntibakwiye guhatirwa gutanga ibintu byabo igihe cyose. Kubahatira gusangira bishobora gutuma bumva nta burenganzira bafite ku bintu byabo, bikabatera umujinya cyangwa kutisanzura. Ahubwo, ubigishe ubumuntu no gusimburana, ubafashe gutandukanya hagati yo kugira ubuntu no kugira imbibi bwite.

Twifashiishije ibitekerezo by’umushakashatsi akaba n'umwanditsi w’ibitabo w’umunya Canada Dr. Gordon Neufeld wanditse igitabo "Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers", yaragize ati "Babyeyi, twigisha abana gutandukanya gusangira n’uburenganzira ku bintu byabo bwite;

Yakomeje avuga ko "Dushishikariza abana gusimburana aho kubahatira gusangira ibintu byabo, bafashe kumenya ko kugira ubuntu ari amahitamo, aho kuba inshingano."

5. Gukora ibintu byose nk'uko abandi babishaka

Abana bose ni ba nyir'ubwite mu mibereho yabo. Kubahatira gukurikiza ibyo abandi bashaka cyangwa kwitwara mu buryo budahuye n’imiterere yabo bishobora kubatakariza icyizere no kubabangamira mu gutera imbere. Ahubwo, bahe umwanya wo kwimenya no gukura mu bwisanzure.

Gutoza abana uburere bwiza ntibivuze kubahatira ibyo batishimiye. Ahubwo, bashishikarize imitekerereze biigenga ho, ibiganiro byubaka n’uburyo bwiza bwo kubaha no guhitamo ibyo bibonamo.

Muri The Gardener and the Carpenter, igitabo cyanditwe na Alison Gopnik, umwe mu bahanga bakomeye ku isi mu by’imitekerereze y’abana, asobanura ibibazo bihishe mu burere bw’abana hashingiwe ku bumenyi bw’ubushakashatsi, akagaragaza ukuri gusesenguye kuri “uburere bwiza” nk'igitekerezo gishingiye ku mitekerereze y’abantu aho kuba ukuri.

Kwitaho abana bacu byimbitse ni kimwe mu bitugira abantu nyabo. Nyamara, igitekerezo cyiswe “kurera” (parenting) ni inyito nshya itunguranye. Mu myaka mirongo itatu ishize, iri jambo ndetse n’inganda zaryo zifite agaciro ka miliyari nyinshi byahinduye uburere bw’abana mo akazi gahambaye, kagamije kugena uko umwana akura n’ukuntu azaba nk’umuntu mukuru, aho kuba igikorwa cy’imitima kirekurira abana gukura no kwiyubaka mu buryo bwabo.

Incamacye y’inama agira ababyeyi:

-Mubyeyi, reka abana bagire umudendezo wo kugerageza no gukurikirana ibyo bakunda.

-Shyigikira umwihariko w’umwana aho kumushyiraho ibitekerezo byawe bwite.

-Niba ubashishikariza gukora neza, shyira imbere kubatera inkunga aho kubashyiraho igitutu cyo guhaza ibyo umuryango cyangwa sosiyete yifuza.

Ababyeyi bagira uruhare runini mu guteza imbere uburere bwiza bw’abana babo, haba mu bijyanye n’amarangamutima, imibanire n’abandi, ndetse n’ubumenyi.

Nyamara, kubahatira imyitwarire runaka bishobora kugira ingaruka mbi zitifuzwa. Inzira nziza niukuyobora aho kugenzura, ubigisha binyuze mu rugero rwiza, ibiganiro, no kubatera inkunga aho kubahatira gukora ibyo batishimiye.

Hari ibintu ababyeyi badakwiye guhatira abana babo gukora

Umwanditsi: Shema Yves