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Uko wakwitwara nyuma yo gutandukana n’umukunzi wawe, Isomo ryiza ku rukundo rurambye

Yanditswe na: Kawera Jeannette (Kajette)
Taliki:22/07/2019 19:27
2

Gutandukana n'uwo mwakundanaga birababaza cyane kuko bishengura umutima ndetse bikaba byagira ingaruka mu mitekerereze y’umuntu ndetse no ku buzima bwe busanzwe. Ese waba wibaza icyo wakora nyuma yo gutandukana n’umukunzi wawe?



Abahanga bagaragaza ko umutima ushengutse ubabaza kurusha ibindi bikomere n’ubundi buribwe bishobora kuba bibaho ku isi. Hari abo bibuza kurya, abo bitera kunanuka ndetse n’ababura ibitotsi. Umunyamakuru wa INYARWANDA yateguye iyi nkuru kugira ngo afashe bamwe mu bafite imitima ibabaye kubera urukundo bahindure ubuzima bwabo.

Ku baba baragize amahirwe yo kutababazwa ubu bari kwibaza ngo “Ese nazabigenza nte mu gihe ntandukanye n’umukobwa/umuhungu dukundana?” Ibyo nyine bitume ukomeza gusoma iyi nkuru. Mu bushakashatsi bwakozwe na PNAS (Proceeding of the National Academy of Sciences) bwashyizwe hanze mu mwaka wa 2011 bwagaragaje ko gutandukana n’umukunzi bituma habaho gukora cyane kw’igice cy’ubwonko gifite aho gihuriye n’ibyiyumvo by’umubabaro. 

Ibi bitera kwibaza icyakorwa mu gihe habayeho uko gutandukana umuntu akarinda umubiri we, amarangamutima ye n’ibyiyumvo. Tugiye kurebera hamwe ibintu 3 umukobwa/umusore yakora mu gihe yatandukanye n’uwo bakundanaga:

1.Komera wumve ko uri bumere neza

Ni ukuri kose gutandukana n’umukunzi birababaza cyane, ariko kandi; Komera wumve ko uza kumera neza vuba cyangwa bitinze ariko uko biri kose ntuzaheranwa n'agahinda. Hari ubwo uba wumva igikomere cyo gutandukana n’uwo mwakundanaga kiremereye cyane bigatuma ubona ibintu byose byijimye ariko wikwitakariza icyizere burundu.

Birashoboka ko waba warabibonye mu mazo ya mbere ko gutandukana biri hafi cyangwa bikagutungura, igihari ni uko nk’uwakiriye ibimubayeho, uko ubisubiza ari ko kuguha amahitamo, icyubahiro cyawe ukomeze kugisigasira musore/mukobwa. Yego urababaye rwose, ariko uri umunyembaraga, wabibika muri wowe si ngombwa ko buri gihe uwo mutandukanye abona agahinda aguteye kuko wenda ni yo yari intego ye. Komeza kureba imbere kandi wiyumvishe ko ukomeye gusumbya agahinda utewe.

2.Rekera aho gukomeza kwishinja

Guhora wishinja nta kintu na kimwe kizima bizakugezaho. Bizatuma uhora uri hasi cyane ndetse ugaragara nk’injiji mu maso y’uriya mwatandukanye. Wemerewe kumwereka ko utemeranya n’ibitekerezo bye niba koko utabyemera, ndetse wanabimubwira ko icyemezo cye kikubabaje rwose. Ariko hejuru ya byose, nk’uko bigaragara haruguru, uzibuke gusigasira icyubahiro cyawe uko bishoboka.

Ntuzakomeze kwishinja kuko bizereka uwo mutandukanye ko wari umukeneye cyane ndetse nk’uko hari ababikoresha mu gutera imitoma ko utabaho utamufite, wapfa. Yego birumvikana ko ari ko wiyumva ariko nukomeza gutyo azanezezwa n’intsinzi kuko azaba akomeje kugararagaza ko yakunesheje uko yabyifuzaga wenda. Ntuzabe imbohe y’urukundo, niba ubishoboye kurira, bikore ntabwo nje kukubuza, ariko ntumwingingire kukugarukira na cyane ko isi itaba irangiye. Isi ni nini cyane na nyuma ye wazabona andi mahirwe menshi, uzishima kandi cyane.

3.Ntibiguhindure uko utari

Gutandukana n’uwo ukunda byatera umuntu kubabara cyane bikanamutera gukora ibikorwa bibi kuri we bwite cyangwa ku bandi mu gihe bimunaniye kubyakira. Niba umukobwa mwakundanaga cyangwa umuhungu mwakundanaga agukatiye, komeza kuba uwo wari we, ube intwari nubwo bibabaje kandi bitoroshye na gato ndetse wumva wanaririra mu maso ye.

Nukomera ugakomeza kuba uwo wari we, bizereka uwo mwakundanaga ko ukuze bihagije ubasha guhangana n’ibikomeye kandi bizakurinda gukora ibindi bibi byo kurushaho kwibabaza ndetse no kuba wavuga nabi. Ibi bizereka uwari umukunzi wawe ko wubashye rwose icyemezo cye kandi ibi bizagufasha kwirinda gukora cyangwa kuvuga ikintu wazicuza nyuma.

Ese uzi uruhande rwiza rwo gutandukana nk’uku? Ni uko bizagusigira isomo rikomeye. Ikindi gihe wazaba witeguye gutanga urukundo rwawe ahandi, uzaba ufite amahirwe menshi yo kwishima no kugera kuri byinshi byiza mu rukundo kuko uzaba warabashije kwiga uko wahangana n’ikibazo mu nzira nziza zikwiriye.

Niba hari icyo izi nama zigufashije, ntubihishe bitugaragarize. Niba hari icyo wifuza ko twakugiraho inama, ntiwifate ni karibu. Dufatanyirize hamwe kubaka urukundo ruzima rubereye, abahungu n’abakobwa, abagabo n’abagore, ingaragu n’abashakanye.







IBITECYEREZO

  • Munyentwali4 months ago
    Ndabakunda cyane kuko mutugezaho amakuru yumwihariko
  • TUYISHIME straton3 months ago
    Ntakundaga umukobwa aranyangakndi njye ndacyamukunda. Mungire Inama?


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