Kwiyahura bimaze kuba ikibazo gihangayikishije isi, itandukana ry’abashakanye riratungwa agatoki: byifashe bite mu Rwanda?

Mu cyumweru cyashize ni bwo hasakaye amakuru yo kwiyahura kw’umwe mu bakora amasakoshi witwa Kate Spades. Nyuma ye gato kandi hahise hatangazwa ko Anthony Bourdain wari umunyamakuru ukora ibiganiro byo gutembera isi no guteka kuri CNN yiyahuye. Imiryango y’aba bombi yagiye itangaza ko nta wakekaga ko bakwiyambura ubuzima. Anthony yari umugabo watandukanye n’umugore ariko yari afite umukunzi naho Kate we yari atakibana n’umugabo we mu nzu imwe ariko bataratandukana byemewe n’amategeko.

Ibi sibyo gusa umuntu yashingiraho gusa avuga ko itandukana ry’abashakanye rigira uruhare mu kongera ibitekerezo byo kwiyahura. Ubushakashatsi bwakozwe na National Institute of Healthcare Research yo muri Rockville muri Leta Zunze Ubumwe za Amerika bugaragaza ko abantu batandukanye n’abo bashakanye bafite ibyago bikubye gatatu byo kuba bakwiyahura kurusha abari kumwe n’abo bashakanye. Gutandukana kw'abashakanye 'Divorce' kandi kuza ku mwanya wa mbere mu mpamvu zitera abantu kwiyahura muri Leta Zunze Ubumwe za Amerika.

Ikindi kandi ni uko abagabo ari bo bakunze kunanirwa guhangana n’ingaruka zo gutandukana n’abo bashakanye kugeza ubwo biyambuye ubuzima. Ibi ngo biterwa n’uko iyo urugo rusenyutse, abagore bakunze kumva bafite inshingano zo kwita ku bana babo cyane mu gihe abagabo bakomeza kutakira ko batakaje inshingano zo kuba abayobozi b’urugo, bakumva nta mpamvu yo gukomeza kubaho bafite. Imibare igaragaza ko abagore ari bo bagerageza cyane kwiyahura ariko abagabo akaba ari bo babigeraho kurusha abagore.

Umuntu wiyahura aba arwaye bikomeye ariko akabura ubufasha bwihutirwa

Inyarwanda.com twaganiriye kandi n’umugabo w’umunyarwanda utifuje ko umwirondoro we utangazwa. Yatandukanye n’uwo bashakanye, kugeza ubu hashize imyaka 10. Twagerageje kumubaza niba koko gutandukana n’uwo mwashakanye byatera umuntu gutekereza kwiyahura. Mu kiganiro kirekire twagiranye, yatubwiye ko nawe igihe cyo kumva gupfa bimurutiye kubaho cyamugezeho ariko aza gufashwa n’uko yiringiraga Imana. Avuga ko umugore we batandukanye bapfuye ibibazo bitandukanye birimo kumuca inyuma, kuraguza n’ibindi byinshi. Yagize ati:

Byaba byiza cyane gutandukana bitabaye, nta cyiza cya divorce gusa hari igihe birinda bya bindi ujya wumva ngo abantu bicanye. Niba hariho ikintu kibi kiruta ibindi ku isi ni ugushaka nabi. Ni itangiriro ryo kubura umunezero, ni nk’amarembo y’ikuzimu.

Uyu mugabo yatubwiye ko yatandukanye n’umugore amusigira abana 3 ndetse ngo muri iyo myaka 10 yose abana ntibongeye guca iryera nyina ubabyara. Ibi abibona nk’imwe mu ngaruka zikomeye gutandukana kw’abashakanye bikurura. Avuga ko abana be bafite iryo hungabana ryo kutabana na nyina kandi babizi ko ariho, ndetse ngo n’iyo ari mu mirimo runaka bimwibutsa ko nibura abana bari kuba bari kumwe n’undi mubyeyi wabo iyo aza kuba ahari.

Ihungabana rituruka kuri uku gutandukana kandi nawe ngo ryaramwibasiye kuko nyuma yo gutandukana n’umugore benshi mu nshuti bamushizeho ndetse ngo no kongera gushaka undi muntu babana bizamo ingorane zo kwibaza uko bizagenda aramutse atamukundiye abana. Asoza avuga ko kwiyahura bibaho kubera ko umuntu aba yabuze amahitamo ariko bikaba bidakwiriye kubera ingaruka bisigira abo umuntu aba asize inyuma.

Ni iki kiba cyabaye ngo umuntu yiyahure?

Mu gushaka gusobanukirwa neza, twaganiriye na Dr. Gafaranga Jean Pierre, ni umuganga w’indwara zo mu mutwe adusobanurira ko kwiyahura ari ikibazo kiba cyaturutse ku kuba umuntu arwaye bikomeye ariko ntabashe kubona ubufasha ku gihe. Yagize ati:

Kwiyahura bibaho igihe umuntu yageze mu mihangayiko (stress) imugusha mu rungabangabo (dilemma) yibaza niba yakomeza kubaho cyangwa yahitamo kwiyambura ubuzima. Iyo yiyahuye rero ibitekerezo bimwumvisha ko gupfa biruta kubaho biba ari byo byaganje. Mbese ni umuntu uba wageze ahantu akeneye ubufasha bwihutirwa ariko ntabubone.

Dr. Gafaranga avuga ko abantu bakwiriye gushishikarira kwivuza indwara zo mu mutwe igihe bibonaho ibimenyetso cyangwa se waba ubana n’umuntu ukabona hari ibyahindutse kuri we mu buryo budasanzwe ukaba wakwihutira kumuvuza kuko indwara zo mu mutwe ari indwara nk’izindi. Dr Gafaranga kandi avuga ko kwigunga no kuba wenyine byongera cyane ibyago byo kuba umuntu yakwiyahura.

Dr. Gafaranga asanga abantu bakwiriye guhugukira kuvuza no kwivuza indwara zo mu mutwe

Indwara y’agahinda gakabije ni imwe mu bitera abantu bamwe kwiyahura nyamara ishobora kuvurwa igakira, yatubwiye bimwe mu bimenyetso byayo:

1. Kureka ibyo umuntu yakoraga byari bisanzwe bimushimisha cyangwa bimutunze (Kwanga kujya ku kazi nta mpamvu, kudashishikazwa n’inshuti yari asanzwe aha agaciro n’ibindi nk’ibyo)

2. Kumanuka cyane mu buryo bw’amarangamutima (feeling down) bijyana no kugira agahinda, kumva nta cyizere n’ibindi.

3. Kubura ibitotsi cyangwa kugira ibitotsi byinshi (gusinzira cyane bikabije cyangwa kubura ibitotsi bikabije)

4. Kurya cyane cyangwa kunanirwa kurya (Loss of appetite & Overeating)

5. Intege nke

6. Kunanirwa gukora ibintu by’ibanze nko gukaraba, koza mu kanwa n’ibindi.

7. Kuvuga cyangwa kugenda gahoro kurenza uko bisanzwe cyangwa se kubura umutuzo bishobora gutuma umuntu ataguma hamwe akagendagenda cyangwa akavuga amagambo menshi nta mpamvu.

8. Kwishinja, umuntu akumva ko ntacyo amaze, ingorane zose ziba zamuturutseho.

9. Kumva urupfu ruruta byose (Aha niho hashobora kuvamo no kwiyahura) cyangwa kwigirira nabi (self-harm)

Igihe cyose waba wabonye umuntu ufite kimwe muri ibi bimenyetso cyangwa byinshi muri byo kandi atari asanzwe ari ko ameze, uba ukwiriye kwihutira kumujyana kwa muganga mu rwego rwo kwirinda izindi ndwara zishobora guturuka kuri iyo mimerere cyangwa se no kwiyahura.