Mu rukundo, abantu benshi baba biteze ko bazubaka umubano mwiza n’imiryango y’abo bakundana. Hari igihe ababyeyi b’abakunzi babo babakira neza, bakabafata nk’abana babo cyangwa bakabagaragariza urukundo rwa kibyeyi. Icyakora hari inkuru nyinshi twagiye twumva ngo “umubyeyi yatwaye umukunzi w’umwana we.”
Hari igihe ibintu bishobora gufata indi ntera, cyane cyane iyo umwe mu babyeyi b’umukunzi wawe atangiye kukwereka amarangamutima cyangwa imyitwarire irenze iy’urukundo rwa kibyeyi.
Ni ibintu bishobora gutera urujijo, ubwoba, ihungabana, urwikekwe, n’ibindi bibazo byinshi, cyane cyane ku muntu utazi uko yakwitwara cyangwa uburyo yabihingutsa ku mukunzi we. Abahanga bagaragaza inama umuntu yakurikiza mu gihe yisanze muri iri hurizo.
Icya mbere ni ugutuza
Iyo umuntu ahuye n’ikibazo nk’iki, akenshi agira ubwoba n’uburakari bwinshi. Hari n’abahita bashaka kubibwira abantu bose cyangwa bakaba banahubuka kubera igihunga n’ubwoba. Ariko abahanga mu mibanire bavuga ko ari byiza kubanza gutuza no gutekereza neza mbere yo kugira icyo ukora.
Gufata icyemezo uhubutse bishobora gutuma ikibazo kirushaho gukomera cyangwa kikagira ingaruka ku mubano wawe n’umukunzi wawe, cyangwa se kikangiza umubano afitanye n’ababyeyi be.
Shyiraho imipaka
Mu gihe umubyeyi w’umukunzi wawe atangiye kukwereka ko ashaka ko mugirana umubano urenze, ashaka ko mukundana, ni ngombwa kureka guca ruhinga inyuma, ukamwerurira ukamwereka ko utabyishimiye.
Ibi ntibisaba kumwubahuka cyangwa kumusuzugura, bisaba kumwereka mu bwubahane n’icyubahiro agomba ko ushaka ko ibintu biguma mu murongo ukwiriye. Mu buzima, iyo usabye umuntu ikintu, ntakwereke ko kimubangamiye cyangwa ntashyireho imbibi n’umurongo ntarengwa, ukomeza kumuhatiriza no kumva ko ntacyo bitwaye.
Mu by'ukuri koko uwigize agatebo ayora ivu, ugomba kumenya ko ubuzima bwawe, ari wowe muyobozi wabwo. Ni wowe ugomba rero gushyiraho imipaka abandi batagomba kurenga. Niba udashaka ko ibyawe n'uwo mubyeyi bigera kure, mubwize ukuri, ndetse ushyireho imipaka atagomba kurenga, mutazisama mwasandaye.
Irinde guteza urujijo no kumuha icyizere
Rimwe na rimwe, kuganira, kwisanzuranaho, cyangwa gukomeza kugirana ibiganiro bidasanzwe n’uwo mubyeyi bishobora gutuma atekereza ko nawe hari ukuntu umwiyumvamo. Ni yo mpamvu ari byiza kugumana umubano usanzwe, umwubaha, kandi nta bindi bibahuza. Ibi bifasha kwirinda ko ibintu birushaho kuba bibi.
Irinde gukoresha ikibazo nk’intwaro
Hari abashobora gukoresha ibintu nk’ibi mu nyungu zabo bwite. Ba bandi bavuga ngo “fata ihene igihebeba.” Nyabuneka, ntuzigere utendeka umwana n’umubyeyi we, usibye ko no gutendeka atari byiza, ariko iyo bigeze mu miryango biba ibindi bindi.
Niba wumva utazabasha guhakanira uwo mubyeyi, ukumva urashaka kubatendeka, menya ko ingaruka zabyo uzazirengera. Nukora ibi, menya ko uzaba uri kubaka amakimbirane, usenya icyizere, ndetse unateza ibibazo bikomeye hagati y’imiryango. Ni yo mpamvu ari byiza kubyitwaramo neza, mu ituze no mu bwubahane.
Kurinda amahoro yawe ni ingenzi
Nubwo ikibazo nk’iki gishobora gutera urujijo, umuntu akwiriye kwibuka ko afite uburenganzira bwo kurinda amahoro ye n’agaciro ke. Niba uwo mubyeyi akomeje imyitwarire ituma ubura amahoro, ni ibisanzwe ko wafata umwanzuro wo kumuhunga no kutagira aho wongera guhurira nawe mu gihe akikubwira ibyo gukundana.
Abahanga mu buzima bwo mu mutwe bavuga ko gushyiraho imipaka atari ukwanga abantu, ahubwo ari uburyo bwo kurinda amarangamutina yawe.
Ese ni ngombwa kubibwira umukunzi wanjye?
Iki ni kimwe mu bibazo bikomeye abantu bibaza mu gihe bahuye n’ikibazo nk’iki. Abahanga bavuga ko ari byiza kumubikira ibanga, ariko niba uwo mubyeyi akomeje kukuzengereza no gutuma wumva utisanzuye, kubibwira umukunzi wawe ni ngombwa. Icyakora uburyo ubivugamo ni ingenzi cyane.
Ni byiza kuvuga ibintu uko byagenze, wirinda kubivugana igikabyo, cyangwa ushaka guteza amakimbirane mu muryango. Urugero, ushobora kumwicaza ukamubwira uti: “Hari ibintu mama cyangwa papa wawe yambwiye ariko ntabwo nabikunze, ntabwo rwose bituma nisanzura, numvaga ari byiza ko ubimenya.”
Iki gihe, kumusobanurira uko ikibazo kimeze ntabwo bizateza ibibazo bikomeye nk’ibyari kuvuka iyo utangira umubwira uti: “mbega umubyeyi ufite! Buriya se papa wawe, cyangwa mama wawe nta soni agira koko? Umva umubyeyi wawe rwose ntabwo nkunda ibigambo ajya ambwira.”
Kuba umubyeyi w’umukunzi wawe yaguteretana ni ikibazo gishobora kugora umuntu uwo ariwe wese. Ariko icyo umuntu akwiriye gukora ni ugutuza, gushyiraho imipaka, kubyitwaramo neza, mu bwenge no mu bwubahane.
Icy’ingenzi kurusha ibindi ni ukwirinda gukora ibintu bishobora kubangamira amahoro yawe cyangwa kukwambura agaciro kawe.