Iyo umuntu ari kuganira n’inshuti ze zisanzwe, usanga avugira hejuru, yisanzuye, asakuza, mbese avuga bisanzwe nk’uko abantu bamumenyereye. Ariko iyo bigeze ku mukunzi, ibintu birahinduka usanga ari kuvuga mu ijwi rituje, ririmo ubwitonzi budasanzwe.
Umuntu uri mu rukundo akunda kuba ari kwisetsa buri kanya iyo avugana n’umukunzi we, ndetse akavuga amagambo atuje cyane kurusha uko asanzwe avuga.
Akenshi usanga inshuti ze zimuseka, zikamuserereza ngo ni ibyo ari kwigira, icyakora baribeshya cyane. Abahanga mu by’imitekerereze ya muntu bavuga ko hari byinshi biba biri kujya mbere mu bwonko no mu marangamutima by’umuntu uri mu rukundo.
Inzobere zisobanura ko iyo abantu babiri bakundana bavugana, bakunze guhindura uburemere bw’ijwi ryabo mu buryo bidaturutse ku bushake bwabo. Abagore bakunze kumanura ijwi, naho abagabo bakunze kurizamuraho gato.
Ibi bikorwa mu buryo bwihishe, bigamije kugera ku rwego rwo “kuba umwe” mu mvugo n’amarangamutima. Abashakashatsi bavuga ko iyi myitwarire igaragaza icyifuzo cyo kwegerana no gutuma mugenzi wawe akwiyumvamo kurushaho.
Igitangaje ni uko abantu bashobora kumenya niba umuntu ari kuvugana n’umukunzi we cyangwa inshuti ye isanzwe binyuze mu ijwi gusa. Ijwi ry’umuntu uri kuvugana n’umukunzi rikunze kuba: ryiza kurushaho, ryoroshye riryoheye amatwi, kandi risa n’irimo amarangamutima menshi. Ibi bituma n’abaryumva baryita “ijwi ry’urukundo.”
Ikindi ni uko, hari igihe abantu bakoresha ijwi risa n’iry’umwana muto iyo bari kumwe n’umukunzi wabo. Nubwo bamwe babifata nk’aho abakundana baba bari kubikora nkana, ariko mu by’ukuri ni uburyo bwo kugaragaza ko umuntu yishimye, yizeye uwo bavugana, kandi bukaba uburyo bwo kugaragaza ubwuzu.
Ubushakashatsi bwakozwe n’abahanga bo muri University of Stirling na Albright College bwagaragaje ko abantu bahindura uburyo bavuga iyo bari kuvugana n’umuntu bakunda cyangwa bakururwa na we. Si ibintu bikorwa nkana, ahubwo ni bibaho kubera amarangamutima.
Iyo umuntu ari kuvugana n’uwo akunda, ijwi rishobora koroha, akavuga buhoro cyangwa akongeramo utundi dukoryo, avuga mu buryo bwo kuvuga burimo amarangamutima menshi.
Abahanga bavuga ko ibi biterwa n’imisemburo y’urukundo nka dopamine na oxytocin, ituma umuntu yumva yisanzuye kandi ashaka kwegera uwo bakundana.
Ikindi gitangaje, ni uko hari abantu batangira “guhuza” uburyo bavugana n’uwo bakundana. Ushobora gusanga umwe yatangiye gusa n’uwigana mugenzi we uko avuga, uko asobanura ibintu, uko aseka, cyangwa amagambo akunda kuvuga.
Igitangaje ni uko ibi byose babicamo, ariko batabizi. Uko urukundo rugenda rwiyongera, ni nako uko basanzwe bavuga bigenda bihinduka, ukazasanga abantu benda kuvuga kimwe.
Hari n’abavuga ko ushobora kumenya ko umuntu akundana n’undi utarinze usoma ubutumwa bandikirana, ahubwo akabimenya gusa kuko wumvise uko buri umwe avuga iyo bari kuganira.
Ushobora kwibaza ngo ijwi rihinduka mu buhe buryo? Ese riba rinini, cyangwa rito? Ubushakashatsi bwagaragaje ko amajwi ahinduka mu buryo butandukanye: bamwe ijwi riratuza, abandi rikajya hasi kubera isoni, hari n’abatangira kwisetsa cyane, ndetse n’abagerageza kwihagararaho ariko ukumva imivugire yabo yahindutse burundu.
Mu by’ukuri, urukundo ntiruhindura umutima gusa, ahubwo rimwe na rimwe ruhindura n’ijwi.