Iyo wahemukiye umuntu, byonyine no kumwegera bisanzwe ngo umusabe imbabazi, biragorana, cyane cyane iyo wamukoreye ibikorwa bibi cyane bikomeye kubyibagirwa no kubyihanganira. Ni byiza kwibuka gusaba imbabazi nyuma yo guhemuka ndetse ugakora ibishoboka byose ngo igikomere wateye uwo muntu ucyomore.
Ubusanzwe kwegera umuntu wahemukiye mu buryo ubwo ari bwo bwose biragora pe! Ntabwo twakwirengagiza ko bitewe n’ubuhemu wamukoreye, ashobora kuba atanakikubona nk’umuntu, ahubwo akubonamo ubuhemu wamukoreye gusa. Ikirenzeho rero, kumwegera umusaba noneho kukubera umukunzi, birakomeye cyane kurusha uko ubyiyumvisha.
Icyakora kuba warigeze guhemukira umuntu, ntibikuraho mu gihe amarangamutima y’urukundo amukwerekejeho, utagomba kumugaragariza uko wiyumva.
Ikibazo gikomeye si ukuba warahemutse, ibyo byamaze kuba kandi ntacyo wabihinduraho. Icyo ugomba kwibandaho noneho, ni icyo wakora kugira ngo wereke uwo wahemukiye ko wahindutse, wicuza, byongeye ukaba unamukunda.
Twifashishije inyandiko yasohotse mu kinyamakuru WikiHow, tubategurira inama zafasha umuntu mu gihe afite amarangamutima y’urukundo uwo yigeze guhemukira.
Intambwe ya mbere ni ukwemera amakosa
Ikintu cya mbere umuntu akwiriye gukora ni ukwemera amakosa yakoze. Hari abantu benshi baba bashaka ko abo bahemukiye babababarira, ariko mubyukuri batemera ko bskosheje, bagashaka kwisobanura cyane bigaragaza nk’abere.
Kwemera ko wakoze amakosa no gusaba imbabazi bikuvuye ku mutima ni kimwe mu bintu bishobora gutangira urugendo rwo kongera kubaka umubano n’uwo wahemukiye.
Abahanga mu mibanire bavuga ko umuntu ushaka kongera kwizerwa aba akwiriye mbere na mbere kwemera uruhare rwe mu kubabaza undi aho gushaka impamvu cyangwa ibyisobanuro.
Menya ko ibikorwa byubaka icyizere kurusha amagambo
Hari abantu bavuga ko bahindutse ariko ibikorwa byabo ntibigaragaze impinduka. Mu rukundo, amagambo gusa ntabwo aba ahagije cyane cyane iyo uri kugerageza kwigarurira umutima w’uwo wahemukiye.
Niba warahemukiye umuntu, icya mbere ugomba kumwereka mbere yo gutangira kumuzana muby’urukundo, ni impinduka.
Urugero: niba hari nk’umukobwa wigeze kunnyuzura kera mwiga mu mashuri yisumbuye, ubu ukaba umukunda, ntabwo igikomere wamuteye icyo gihe uzi urugero cyamubabajeho, ni ngombwa rero kubanza kumwereka uruhande rwawe rwiza, ukamwitaho, ndetse ukamwereka ko icyo gihe bwari ubuto bugushuka ariko ubu ukaba warahindutse.
Irinde kumuhatiriza kukwizera ako kanya
Iyo umuntu yahemukiwe, ashobora kugira ibikomere by’amarangamutima bikamara igihe kinini. Kuba umukunda, ntibikuyeho ko kuri we uri umuhemu, ikindi ntabwo ufite ububasha bwo kugena igihe azakirira ibikomere wamuteye, icyo ugomba gukora rero ni ukumuha umwanya wose yifuza wo gukira.
Hari abantu batekereza ko gusaba imbabazi rimwe bihita bikemura ikibazo, abandi bakumva ko kubababarira bimeze nk’itegeko ry’umwami.
Ukuri ni uko imbabazi zri ikintu kiza gahoro gahoro, ndetse ko kugira ngo umuntu yongere kukubona nk’uko yakubonaga bisaba igihe. Ni ngombwa guha uwo muntu umwanya wo gutekereza no kureba niba koko warahindutse.
Ese ni urukundo cyangwa ni impuhwe no kwishinja amakosa?
Hari igihe umuntu agaruka ku wo yahemukiye atari ukubera urukundo gusa, ahubwo ari ukubera yumva yishinja amakosa, akumva yaramwangirije ubuzima bikamusunikira kumukunda kugira ngo akosore amakosa yamukoreye [loneliness] cyangwa [guilt].
Ni byiza kwisuzuma neza ukibaza uti “ese koko ndamukunda, cyangwa ndashaka gusa kugabanya urwikekwe mporana ku mutima. Ese sinkiri wa wundi wamubabaje, narahindutse cyangwa n’ubundi ndacyafite umutima mubi?
Ibi bibazo bizagufasha kumenya niba ibyiyumviro n’amarangamutima umufitiye koko ari urukundo rw’ukuri cyangwa ari amarangamutima y’igihe gito.
Itegure igisubizo icyo ari cyo cyose ashobora kuguha
Nubwo umuntu yakwihana by’ukuri, uwo yahemukiye afite uburenganzira bwo kwemera cyangwa kutemera gukundana nawe. Byongeye kandi n’iyo waba utaramuhemukiye, umuntu wese afite uburenganzira bwo kwemera cyangwa guhakanira undi mu gihe atamufitiye amarangamutima nkayo we amufitiye.
Hari igihe umuntu ashobora kukubabarira ariko ntashake kugira undi mubano wihariye mugirana. Hari n’igihe ashobora kubona ko wahindutse koko, atakikubona nka wawundi wamuhemukiye, ariko agahitamo kutagira ibindi bibahuza, nk’uko ashobora no kukwemerera mugakundana.
Icy’ingenzi ni ukwemera ko urukundo rutubakwa n’agahato, ahubwo rusaba kwihangana no gutegereza. Mu by’ukuri, abantu benshi usanga baba abantu bakomeye, beza kandi bashyira mu gaciro nyuma yo gukora amakosa. Hari igihe ubuhemu butuma umuntu amenya agaciro k’amarangamutima y’abandi, ndetse akamenya neza ko ubuhemu buryana.
Niba usigaye ukunda uwo wahemukiye, gerageza kuba umuntu mwiza kurushaho atari gusa kugira ngo umuterete cyangwa umugire uwawe, ahubwo kugira ngo nawe ubwawe ubashe kugira ibyo umenya byimbitse ku bumuntu.
Kuko rimwe na rimwe, urukundo nyarwo ntirugaragarira gusa mu magambo, cyangwa kubwira umuntu ngo “ndagukunda”, gusa, ahubwo rugaragarira mu buryo umuntu yigira ku makosa ye kandi akemera guhinduka.