Ni umugore ushinguye wamenyakanye cyane ubwo yavugaga ko “kurongorwa neza n’umugabo we byatumye yiteza Imbere”. Uyu mugore azwi na benshi barara inkera bumva Radio 10 mu kiganiro “Iwacu mu muryango”. Mu bitekerezo uruhumbirajana yakirizwa byuzuye abashakanye bagisha inama y’uko bakwitwara imbere y’abo bakunda batera akabariro, buri wese avuga ibye ategereje gusubizwa nawe akamwenyura!.
Ashize amanga, avuga adaterwa ibyo benshi bavugira iyo mumbere. Afite ubumenyi ndetse anasobanukiwe ibijyanye n’imyirorokere ya muntu; byatumbagije izina rye yiyambazwa na benshi bakeneye inama zo kubaka urugo rugakomera.
Jane ahamya ko intangiriro yo kwaguka mu bitekerezo, ibyo akora, ubushabitsi n’ibindi byinshi atunze byavuye mu buryo yafashwemo neza n’umugabo we ubwo bari aho yivugira ko ari “ikambere” byasembuwe n’umuti yakoresheje witwa “Imbaraga zihoroha” ari nawo ashaka guha buri muryango ufite ikibazo nk’icyo yahoranye none ubu ngo iwe byabaye amateka bahora mu munezero udashira.
Kurongorwa neza byamwaguye mu bitekerezo akora ubushakashatsi bufitiye benshi akamaro:
Mu kiganiro kihariye yahaye INYARWANDA, Shangazi Jane yahamije ko amashusho yakwirakwijwe ku mbuga nkoranyambaga avuga uko yiteje imbere biturutse ku gufatwa neza n’umugabo we mu buriri ari ukuri. Ngo iyo umugore atarongowe neza bishobora gusenya umuryango ndetse iterambere ry’urugo kurigeraho biragoye cyane. Yagize ati:
Urambajije ngo kundongora neza byatumye niteza imbere? Ku biganiro nangiye ntanga hirya no hino ku mbuga nkoranyambaga, ni byo, ibyo ndacyabishimangira ijana ku ijana kuko burya naje gusanga ikambere kurongorwa iyo bitakozwe neza ku mugore bishobora gusenya umuryango, bishobora gusenya urugo.
Shangazi Jane avuga ko akimara kumenya uburyohe bw’imibonana mpuzabitsina hagati y'abashakanye igakorwa iteguwe neza, yagutse mu byo yakoraga n’ibyo yatekerezaga. Ngo yaguye impano ye abifatanya n’ubushakashatsi bumaze kumuhuza na benshi byagiriye akamaro. Ubuhamya yakuye mu busabane yagiranye n’umugabo we i kambere, bwashibutsemo gutekereza uko yajya aganiriza indi miryango ifite ikibazo nk’icyo yahoranye. Yagize ati:
Ni yo mpamvu nashyizeho kuganiriza imiryango y’abubatse ndetse n’abateganya kurushinga. Ubwo abenshi bumva ko bikomeye, ubwo abenshi bumva ko bivunanye, ubwo benshi bavuga bati ‘ese ubu byagenda gute kugira ngo nubake?.
Uyu mugore wubatse amara impungenge abashaka kurushinga. Ngo nta kigoranye kirimo ahubwo ngo imibonano mpuzabitsina ni wo musingi wa byose. We abigereranya no kuhira ururabo aho bisaba kurwitaho kugira ngo ruhore rutoshye.
Shangazi Jane avuga ko kubaka urugo rugakomera bishingiye ku mibonano mpuzabitsina
Kuri we umuryango ugizwe n’ibintu bitatu: Kurya, kurongorwa/kurongora no gukora:
Avuga ko mu biganiro yatangije yigisha ko “imibonano mpuzabitsina ikozwe neza ari umusingi w’iterambere” uganisha ku kuzukuruza hagati y’abashakanye. Jane akomeza avuga ko afite ubuhamya bwa benshi bamushimira y’uko inama n’impanuro yabahaye byabaguye mu byo bakoraga yewe ngo no mu rugo ni amahoro. Ati:
Kuva natangira kwigisha abantu ku byerekeranye imibonano mpuzabitsina ko ari umusingi w’iterambere mu muryango hari abantu bamaze gutera imbere. Hari abagore benshi, hari urutonde mfite ruriho abantu benshi, hari abagabo, hari abagore, hari abakobwa, hari abasore, hari abateganyaga kurushinga bumva ko kurushinga ari ukurongorwa byonyine. Ariko twaje gusanga urugo atari ukurongorwa gusa. Kurongorwa ubwo ndavuga mu buriri.
Jane avuga ko umugabo agizwe no kurongora, gukora no kurya. Ati “Umugabo agizwe no kurya, kurongora no gukora. Kuko uramutse urongoye ntukore ntiwabasha kubona ibyo kurya. Kandi burya kurongora ni imbaraga. Uramutse nanone urongoye ntubashe kubona ibyo kurya ntubashe kubona ibyo ukora byaba ikibazo gikomeye cyane. Umuryango ugizwe n’ibintu bitatu ni ukurya, ni ukurongorwa ni ugukora.” Avuga ko ibi byose byunganirana bikabyara urukundo rwimbitse hagati y’abashakanye n’ababiteganya.
Icyo Shangazi Jane ashoboza ingo zigiye gutandukana :
Avuga ko ntabihambaye akora ahubwo ko aganiriza imiryango akumva umuzi w’ikibazo gituma bashaka gutandukana akabona aho ahera aganiriza bombi ariko ngo hari igihe umwe mu bagize umuryango agira ibanga ku buryo kumenya ukuri kwabo bose bigoye. Ngo ku bwa burembe, imiryango ishobora gutandukana bitewe n’uko ingeso z’umwe zirambiye mugenzi we cyangwa se kubyihanganira byanze bigakomeza kuba igikomere cyimushima umunsi ku wundi. Yagize ati:
Mu by’ukuri ikintu nshoboza ingo zigiye gutandukana kurwanya amakimbirane, ni ukuganiriza ba bantu, turabaganiriza (…)Hari uburyo imiryango ishobora gutandukana ku bw’uko ingeso z’umwe zananiye mugenzi we ibyo birashoboka. Ariko hari n’uburyo ikambere bishobora kwanga umugore akananirwa kurongorwa, umugabo akananirwa kurongora biturutse ku mpamvu z’umubiri bidaturutse kuri bo.
Avuga ko umugore ashobora kugira ikibazo cy’amavangingo [imiyoboro y’amavangingo yarazibye] ikibazo cy’uko atishimira mugenzi we [nta bushake afite mu gikorwa cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina] n’ibindi byose byaturutse ku bikomere yahuye nabyo mbere.
Ngo iyo umugabo atabasha gutetesha umugore we, iyo umugore we agiye gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina amashusho ya bya bikomere aragaruka ntave mu mutwe we bigatuma igikorwa cy’abashakanye kigenda nabi.
Gucana inyuma ; inkingi ikomeye benshi buririraho batandukana n’abo bashakanye mu Rwanda :
Avuga ko amakimbirane ari mu miryango yo mu Rwanda, gushwana, kwicana n’ibindi byinshi bisiga umuryango usenyutse byose ngo bikomoka ku gucana inyuma. Ngo biragoye ko uwo mwashakanye mwakomeza kubana yaragufashe umuca inyuma, ngo n’ubwo yabikora ahorana icyo gikomere cy’uko utiziritse ku isezerano mwahanye. Ati :
Mu bintu bikurura amatiku mu Rwanda ; byo gutandukana kw’abashakanye, byo kwicana, by’amadivoruse (divorse/gatanya) ya hato no hato ni ugucana inyuma. Iyo umwe muri mwe yabimenye, ubikore iminsi 40 burya ngo ni yo y’umujura yarabazwe ni ko abanyarwanda baciye umugani. Iyo umwe yabimenye bibyara ikibazo kandi ntuzagire ngo urabihanagura mu bwonko bwe. Biragoye, umuntu umeneka akajya ku musaraba agatanga izo mbabazi ubwonko bwe bukabyibagirwa biragorana cyane.
Ahereye ku mugani uvuga uti ngo "Ubukene bushobora gutuma ntikubitira umugore" ngo ubukene nabwo buri mu myanya y’imbere mu bituma abashakanye bashyira iherezo ku mubano wabo bubatse bashimanye. Ngo ubukene bushobora gutuma utarongora umugore, ngo bwanatuma buri wese aharurukwa undi ku kigero buri wese atapfa kwiyumvisha.
Yanavuze ko ubukire nabwo bushobora gutuma abantu batandukana bitewe n’umurengwe. Ngo ibi ni ibintu akunze guhura nabyo mu biganiro bitandukanye agenda agirana n’imiryango itandukanye. Hejuru y’ibi kandi haza irari rikomoka ku kuba umwe mu bashakanye atanyurwa n’uwo bari kumwe.
Shangazi Jane avuga ko kurongorwa neza byatumye yiteza imbere bifite ipfundo ryapfundutse mu muti witwa "Imbaraga zihoraho" ari nawo yazaniwe abanyarwanda n’abandi bose bafite ikibazo mu myororokere. Uyu muti avuga ko ukora neza kandi afite ubuhamya bwa benshi bawukoresheje bamushimira y’uko yashyize itafari ku rugo rw’abo.
Nk'uko Shangazi Jane yabidutangarije, akamaro k'umuti "Imbaraga zihoraho" harimo: Kuruhura umubiri, gusohora imyanda mu mubiri, kongera amarangamutima ku bagabo n’abagore. Kuringaniza umuvuduko w’amaraso, kugabanya uburibwe ku baribwa bari mu mihango, abarangiza vuba, abacika intege mu gutera akabariro, abagore batagira ububobere n’amavangingo ndetse ngo uvura kuribwa umugongo no mu kiziba cy'inda.