Mu kinyarwanda baca umugani ngo 'Ntawutinya ishyamba atinya icyo bahuriyemo'. Ibi nibyo koko bibaho ko umuntu atinya kujya mu rukundo bitewe n’ibyo yigeze kuboneramo, cyangwa bitewe n’ibyo abona abakundana banyuramo bibabaje bikamutera ubwoba. Akenshi abantu batinya kujya mu rukundo baba birinda kubabazwa, cyangwa muri rusange bafite ubwoba bw'ibintu byazababaho baramutse bashatse abakunzi.
Gusa ibi ntibyagakwiye kuba impamvu yabuza umuntu gukundana, kuko si buri gihe ugiye mu rukundo ababazwa. Niba nawe ufite ubwoba bwo gukundana, dore ibintu byagufasha guhangana n'ubu bwoba nk’uko byatangajwe n'urubuga Elcrema:
1. Sobanukirwa ikigutera kugira ubwo bwoba
Tekereza impamvu utinya gukundana cyangwa gukundwa. Intambwe ya mbere mu gukemura ibibazo byawe hamwe no gukunda cyangwa gukundwa, ni ukumenya ubwoba bukubuza. Hariho ubwoko bwinshi bw’ubwoba, bushobora gutuma umuntu atinya gukunda umuntu cyangwa gukundwa.
2. Tekereza ku mibanire yawe y’ahashize
Inzira imwe ushobora gutangira kumva ubwoba bwawe kubyerekeye gukunda cyangwa gukundwa, ni ugutekereza ku mibanire yawe ya kera. Reba ibibazo byavutse mu mibanire n’uburyo wagize uruhare muri ibyo bibazo, bizagufasha kumenya uko ukwiye kwitwara kandi ntibikubuze gusubira mu rukundo.
3. Tekereza ku buzima bwawe kuva mu bwana bwawe
Rimwe na rimwe, ubuzima dukuriramo kuva mu bwana, bushobora kugira uruhare mu bushobozi bwacu bwo gukunda no gukundwa. Niba waranyuze mu buzima bugoye nk’umwana, ushobora kwitwaza ibyiyumvo mu bucuti bwawe bukuze. Reba ibintu byakubayeho cyangwa hafi yawe ukiri umwana, n’uburyo bishobora kukugiraho ingaruka ukuze.
4. Reba bimwe mu bikunze gutera umuntu gukunda cyangwa gukundwa
Abantu benshi bafite ubwoba mu gihe cyo gukunda no gukundwa. Muri ubwo bwoba harimo ubwoba bwo gukomeretsa, gutinya kubabaza umuntu, no gutinya kwiyemeza. Reba ubwo bwoko butandukanye bw’ubwoba hanyuma ugerageze kumenya niba ibyiyumvo byawe bihuye n’imwe muribi byiciro, bizagufasha gusobanukirwa uburyo wakoresha kugira ngo ubashe kurwanya ubwo bwoba.5. Menya neza niba ubona ko ukwiye gukundwa
Abantu bamwe bahagarika gukunda no gukundwa, kuko bizera ko badakundwa cyangwa badakwiriye gukundwa. Iyi myizerere ishobora kuba igisubizo cyo kwita ku bwana, kwangwa, cyangwa ibindi byababayeho byaguteye kumva udakwiriye gukundwa. Reba niba wumva udakwiriye gukundwa.
6. Kurwanya ibitekerezo byawe bibi
Usibye umubano ushize n’ubunararibonye bw’ubwana, gutekereza nabi bishobora kukubuza gukunda cyangwa gukundwa. Abantu bamwe batekereza nabi kuri bo cyangwa abo bakundana, bitera umubano mubi. Ntukemere ko igitekerezo kibi kinyura mu mitekerereze yawe, utabanje kugisubiramo no kugisobanukirwa. Kubikora bizagufasha guhindura imitekerereze yawe no guhagarika gushimangira ubwoba bwawe bwo gukunda cyangwa gukundwa. Igihe gikurikira ufite igitekerezo kibi, uhindure igitekerezo cyiza.
7. Haranira guteza imbere ibitekerezo by’urukundo
Ushobora kandi kungukirwa no kuvuga neza kubyerekeye urukundo. Gerageza ukoreshe ibyemezo bya buri munsi, kugira ngo uteze imbere ibyiyumvo byiza by’urukundo. Ibyiza bya buri munsi bishobora kugufasha guhangana n’amarangamutima mabi ashobora kuba mu bwoba bw’urukundo. Fata akanya gato buri munsi kugira ngo wirebere mu ndorerwamo, hanyuma uvuge ikintu cyiza kubyerekeye urukundo. Ushobora kuvuga ikintu wemera ku rukundo, cyangwa ikindi kintu wifuza kwizera ku rukundo. Ingero zimwe mu bintu ushobora kwibwira ubwawe, ushobora kwibwira ko ukwiriye urukundo, ikizere cyo kumva ko hari igihe uzagira umubano wuzuye, kwiyumvisha ko urukundo ari ikintu kiza n’ibindi.
8. Emera kuba umunyantege nke
Intege nke zisobanurwa nk’ibyago no gushidikanya, bizanwa no kwerekana amarangamutima. Abantu batinya gukunda no gukundwa akenshi bafite kwirwanaho mu bucuti. Niba ushaka gutsinda ubwoba bwawe bwo gukunda no gukundwa, uzakenera kugabanya kwirwanaho no kwemerera kwibasirwa n’umukunzi wawe. Ibi bishobora kumvikana nk’ibiteye ubwoba, ariko ni intambwe y’ingenzi yo kurushaho koroherwa n’urukundo. Uburyo rusange bwo kwirinda kumva ko ufite intege nke harimo gusubira mu isi y’igitekerezo, cyangwa kwiyerekana mu buryo butari bwiza.
9. Ganiriza inshuti wizeye kubijyanye n’ubwoba bwawe
Kuganira n’umuntu kubyerekeye ubwoba bwawe n’umutima wawe, bishobora kugufasha guhangana n’ubwoba bwawe bwo gukunda no gukundwa. Niba uri mu bucuti, tekereza gusangira ibyiyumvo n’umukunzi wawe. Kubwira umukunzi wawe uko ubyumva, bishobora gufungura amahirwe yo kugirana ubucuti bukomeye mu mibanire yawe. Menya neza ko ufite iki kiganiro na mugenzi wawe mu gihe mwembi mutuje, atari nyuma cyangwa mu gihe cyo gutongana.
10. Niba ubona nta gihinduka gerageza kuvugana n’umujyanama ubizobereyemo agufashe
Rimwe na rimwe, ubwoba bujyanye no gukunda no kuba mu rukundo birakabije, kuburyo ukeneye ubufasha bw’umujyanama. Niba ibibazo byawe bikomeje n’ubwo ugerageza gukora ibintu neza, tekereza kuvugana n’umujyanama kuri ibyo bibazo. Umujyanama ashobora kugufasha kugera ku muzi w’ibibazo no kubikemura, kugira ngo ubashe kugirana umubano mwiza mu gihe kizaza.