Mu rukundo hari igihe umuntu atangira guhindura imyitwarire buhoro buhoro mbere yo gufata icyemezo cyo kubivamo. Akenshi ibi ntibihita bigaragara, ariko iyo witonze ushobora kubona ibimenyetso bikwereka ko urukundo rwanyu rutakimeze nka mbere.
Twifashishije inyandiko yasohotse mu kinyamakuru Psychology Today tugiye kurebera hamwe ibimenyetso bishobora kukwereka ko umukunzi wawe ashobora kuba ashaka kubivamo:
1. Atangira kukwirengagiza no guhindura uko muvugana
Iyo umukobwa atangiye kutakwitaho nk’uko byahoze, atakiguhamagara cyangwa ngo asubize ubutumwa bwawe vuba, bishobora kuba ikimenyetso gikomeye.
Niba mbere yaraguhamagaraga buri kanya, ahora ashaka kukuvugisha, mbese afite amatsiko yo kumenya ikijya mbere mu buzima bwawe, ubu akaba ari wowe uhora utangiza ikiganiro kandi rimwe na rimwe ntagusubize, cyangwa akagusubiza amagambo make atakwitayeho, ugomba kwitonda ukagenzura neza ikibazo gihari.
2. Atangira kutakwereka urukundo nk’uko byahoze
Iyo amarangamutima atangiye kugabanuka, ibikorwa by’urukundo na byo birahinduka. Ashobora kuba atakigukumbura, atakigushimisha nka mbere, cyangwa atakigaragaza ubushake bwo kumarana nawe umwanya.
Hari igihe atangira kugufata nk’uko afata izindi nshuti ze zisanzwe, atakigufata nk’umukunzi. Iki gihe, aba atangiye kukwikuramo, mbese yarabuze aho ahera akubwira ko amazi atakiri ya yandi.
3. Ahora ashaka impamvu yo gutongana no gushwana
Utuntu duto duto, mbere mutajyaga mushwanira, atangira kudushakamo impamvu ituma muvugana nabi, bigatuma amakimbirane yiyongera. Niba hari ibyo wakoraga mbere ntibigire ikibazo biteza, ubu wabikora bikaba birebire, byanga byakunda hari impamvu.
Abahanga bavuga ko hari abantu batangira guteza amakimbirane kugira ngo babone impamvu yo kuva mu mubano runaka, umukobwa utakigukunda rero, nawe ashakisha uburyo bwo gushwana nawe kugira ngo mutandukane.
4. Yirinda kuvuga ku hazaza hanyu
Iyo umukobwa atangiye guhunga ibiganiro birebana n’ejo hazaza h’umubano wanyu, bishobora kuba ikimenyetso gikomeye cy’uko atakigukunda, cyangwa adashishikajwe n’urukundo rwanyu.
Agerageza guhora ahindura ikiganiro buri gihe, cyane cyane iyo uzamuye ikiganiro cyerekeranye n’ahazaza h’umubano wanyu, gukora ubukwe, gahunda zanyu cyangwa inzozi mwari mufitanye. Ibi akenshi bigaragaza ko atakibona ejo hazaza hanyu muri kumwe.
5. Agusiga mu ihurizo! Ari wowe gusa urwana ngo umubano ukomeze
Iyo usanga ari wowe uhora ushaka gukora ibishoboka byose ngo umubano wanyu ukomere, ari wowe buri gihe usaba imbabazi, uhora ushaka kuzana amahoro, umusaba ko muhura, cyangwa ugerageza gukemura ibibazo byanyu wenyine, bishobora kugaragaza ko we yamaze kuva mu rukundo kera, akarugusigamo.
Umubano mwiza usaba imbaraga z’impande zombi, kandi buri ruhande rugashyiramo imbaraga zingana n’iz’urundi. Iyo umwe gusa ari we ukirwana ngo ibintu bikomeze, akenshi biba ari ikimenyetso cy’uko hari ikibazo gikomeye.
N’ubwo ibi bimenyetso bishobora gutuma ugira impungenge, inzira nziza ni ukuganira mu bwubahane, ugamije kumenya uko mugenzi wawe abyumva, aho gufata imyanzuro ishingiye ku gukeka gusa. Icyiza rero ni ukwicaza umukunzi wawe, mukaganira, ukamenya aho bipfira.