Abakundana badakora imibonano mpuzabitsina urwabo rushobora kuramba? “Dr Armin Ariana”

Dr Armin Ariana, impuguke mu by’imibonano mpuzabitsina akaba na Perezida w’ishyirahamwe ry’abahanga mu mibonano mpuzabitsina muri Queensland, Australia yagize ati, “kuba abashakanye cyangwa abakundana badafite ubusabane bw’umubiri ni ibintu bibaho kenshi kurusha uko benshi babyibwira.”

Ati: “Ibi bigaragara cyane cyane mu bashakanye igihe kirekire, aho imibonano mpuzabitsina igenda igabanuka uko imyaka igenda ihita.” Ubushakashatsi bwakorewe muri Australia bwerekanye ko hafi ku ijanisha rya 15% by’abashakanye batigeze bakora imibonano mpuzabitsina ubwo bakundanaga.

Nubwo bishoboka ko bombi baba bumvikanye ku kudakora imibonano, akenshi ikibazo kiba gishingiye ku kutaringanira kw’irari ry’imibonano hagati yabo, nk’uko Tanya Koens, impuguke mu mibanire n’imibonano mpuzabitsina ukorera mu karere ka Northern Rivers/Bundjalung Nation, abivuga.

Nubwo kuganira kuri iyo mibonano ari intambwe ya mbere yo kuyikora, si ko buri gihe byoroha. Koens ati: “Mpura n’abantu bamaze imyaka 30, 40 babana, baragiye babonana mu bihe bikomeye, ariko ntibashobora kuganira ku mibonano mpuzabitsina.”

Dr Ariana avuga ko ubushake bwo kutayikora cyangwa impamvu ziturutse ku buzima bishobora gutuma imibonano mpuzabitsina idakorwa. Imwe mu mpamvu zikunze kugaragara ni ukutumvikana ku rwego rw’irari hagati y’abakundana.

Ati: “Niba bombi bumvikanye ko batayikora kandi babyemeye by’ukuri, si ikibazo. Ariko igihe umwe ayishaka undi atayishaka, haravuka icyuho gishobora guteza amakimbirane.”

Iyo icyuho cyabaye kinini, bivamo ubwigunge, kwirengagizwa no kwangirwa, nk’uko abivuga.

Izindi mpamvu imibonano ishobora kugabanuka ni Ibibazo by’ubuzima nk’indwara zidakira, impinduka mu misemburo, n’ingaruka z’imiti. Kubura ubusabane bw’amarangamutima cyangwa amakimbirane atarakemutse. Umunaniro n’umuvundo wo mu kazi cyangwa ubuzima bwa buri munsi. Impinduka mu buzima nko kubyara, kujya mu gihe cya monopozu, cyangwa gusaza no Kutangana kw’irari hagati y’abakundana.

Koens yongeraho ko impinduka ku mubiri nko kuribwa cyangwa ubumuga bishobora gutuma imibonano igabanuka.

Tracey Rovere, impuguke mu mibanire n’ubujyanama ikorera Wollongong/Woolyungah, ivuga ko iyo umuntu adakora imibonano, atanabishaka uko byagenda kose.

Ariko yongeraho ko imibonano ifite akamaro, kuko ifasha umubiri gukora imisemburo ituma umuntu yisanga mu munezero n’ubusabane. Ati: “Abantu bakora imibonano kuko ibaha kumva bishimye, batabikora baba biyatse amahirwe yo kubona oxytocin n’indi misemburo y’ibyishimo.”

Dr Ariana avuga ko rimwe na rimwe abashakanye bashobora kugirana amasezerano yo kudakora imibonano, kandi bagakomeza kubana neza.
Ati: “Si uko baba bafite ikibazo, ahubwo ni icyemezo bafashe ku bushake kandi kibagirira akamaro.”

Nyamara ubushakashatsi bwo muri 2025 bwakozwe ku bantu barenga 2,100 babana nk’umugabo n’umugore, bwagaragaje ko abari mu mubano udashingiye ku mibonano, ariko babyishimiye bombi, ari 2.3% gusa.

Dr Ariana asobanura ko ibi bidatanga ishusho mbi, ahubwo bisaba kumvikana no kuganira cyane kugira ngo bikore.

Koens we asanga ari byiza kwibaza impamvu imibonano itavugwaho rumwe. Ati:
“Kuki tuyihakana? Nuko bigoye kuyivugaho cyangwa kuyishyira ku murongo?”
Yongeraho ati: “Kwihisha ni uburyo bwa mbere abantu bakoresha mu kwirinda gukemura ibibazo by’iyo mibonano.”

Ku bashaka kongera ubusabane, Koens asaba gutangira bibanda ku bishoboka, atari ibintu byose.

Ati: “Imibonano ntigomba gusobanurwa nko guhuza igikorwa cya nyuma mu buriri. Hari uburyo bwinshi bwo gukora imibonano no kugaragaza urukundo hadakoreshejwe igitsina imbere mu kindi.”

Ati: “Uruhu rwawe ni ahantu hiyumva; mushobora gusomana, kwikora gahoro gahoro. Kuba uri mu mibonano ntibisaba gukora ibintu byose rimwe.”

Asaba abashakanye kuganira ku gikwiye uwo munsi: Ese ni ugusomana gusa? Ni ugukora massage? Cyangwa ni ugutera akabariro?

Ati: “Abantu benshi batekereza ko iyo umugabo abasomye aba ashaka byose, kandi we ntabyifuza, si ko bimeze. N’iyo mwaba musomanye gusa, bifasha kugumana ubusabane bw’umubiri.”

Rovere we avuga ko imibonano ishobora kongera ubusabane bw’amarangamutima, nubwo hari ababanza kuganira neza kugira ngo bazongere kwinjira muri bwa busabane.

Dr Ariana asoza agira inama abafite ikibazo cy’uko badakora imibonano mu rukundo. Ati “Niba uri mu rukundo rutarangwamo imibonano kandi wumva uri wenyine, ntibyerekana ko watsinzwe. Ni ikimenyetso cy’uko mukwiye kuganira, kongera kwegerana, cyangwa gusaba ubufasha. Nta gisubizo rusange kibaho, ik’ingenzi ni ukureba niba bikubereye.”