Ibi bikurura imibanire idaha ubwisanzure buri umwe, aho
umuntu ahora yihatira kuba uwo atari we kugira ngo agume mu rukundo. Hari
nk’amasezerano atavugwa avuga ngo: "Nzishyira hasi, nkubere uwo ushaka,
maze unyemerere nkugumane." Nyamara ibi biba ari nko gushaka gucunga uwo
mubana, kuko uba ushaka ko akomeza kugukunda atari uko uri wowe, ahubwo bitewe
n’uko umwigaragariza.
Aho usanga umuntu ashobora kwemera ibintu byose kabone nubwo
byaba bitamunezeza, kwirinda kugaragaza uko yiyumva, gutinya kuvuga ngo “Oya”kugirango
umukunzi wawe atabifata nko ku tamwitaho, kwigomeka cyangwa kumva nabi. Utangira
guhindura imyitwarire, umuco, imyambarire, cyangwa inyungu zawe bwite kugirango mu agukunde ntubikore
kuko ubikunze ahubwo udatatira ishusho uwo muntu ashaka.
Ariko mu
by’ukuri, nk’uko Dr. Harriet Lerner,
impuguke mu mibanire, abigaragaza ati: “Iyo
umuntu atanga atari uko abyishimiye, ahubwo ari kugira ngo yemerwe, aba ari
kwiyima ku bw’abandi, kandi nyuma y’igihe niwe ubibabariramo.”
Benshi bakora ibi
batabizi bakumva ko uko bari
bidahagije, bityo bakiyemeza kuba uko abandi babashaka kugirango
babakunde. Ibyifuzo n'amarangamutima byabo babishyira ku ruhande, bagahitamo
guhinduka “abacakara m’urukundo”, aho kuba abafatanyabikorwa 'Never Sacrifice Yourself in a Relationship'.
Ibyo ni byo
bituma hari imibanire irangwa n’amasezerano yihishe, ni ugushaka gucunga no kugenzura uwo ukunda, ibi nk’uko Brené Brown, umuhanga mu mibanire
n’amarangamutima, abivuga, ati:
“Nziberaho nk’uko ubishaka, ariko unyemere.” si urukundo, ni ubwoba bwo guteshwa agaciro.
Bimwe mu bishobora
ku gufasha ugomba kumenya impamvu ubikora no kumenya icyo ushaka wakibaza uti: “Ni iki nshaka mu by’ukuri mu rukundo? Ese
ndashaka gukundwa, cyangwa ndashaka kuba uwo nkwiye kuba, nkomere, mbere y’uko
ntegereza ko hari undi ubinkorera?”
Iyo ugeze aho wihagije mu rukundo no mu gaciro imbere muri
wowe, winjira mu mubano utakugira imbata, wihagije wowe ubwawe, witeguye
gutanga no gusangira urukundo rudashingiye ku byifuzo by’abandi ahubwo ari urwukuri.
Urukundo nyarwo ni hagati y’abantu babiri bamenye ibyo bakeneye, bagahitamo gusangira ubumwe.
Niba wumva hari
byinshi utarakira, ntugire ipfunwe, hari uburyo bwo kubikemura aho ushobora
gutangira urugendo rwawe rwo kwiyakira no kwisuzuma wowe ubwawe, nka gahunda igufasha
kubaka umubano ushingiye ku kuri si ku ugutinya gutakaza urukundo rusanzwe rudahari.