Abahanga mu mitekerereze n’imibanire ya muntu bavuga ko urukundo nyakuri rutubakira gusa ku marangamutima, ahubwo rwubakira ku cyubahiro, icyizere no kwita kuri mugenzi wawe.
Ubushakashatsi bwakozwe n’umuhanga mu Rukundo n’imibanire Dr. John Gottman, bwagaragaje ko gushimirana, kubahana no guha agaciro uwo mukundana biri mu bintu by’ingenzi bituma urukundo ruramba.
Iyo umuntu akubaha, yumva ibitekerezo byawe, ntagusuzugura imbere y’abandi, aguha umwanya wo kwisanzura, ndetse aguha agaciro ukwiye nk’umuntu.
Iyo icyubahiro kibuze mu Rukundo rero, urukundo rutangira gucika intege buhoro buhoro. Akenshi usanga habaho gusuzugurana, guterana amagambo no kutumvikana.
Ubushakashatsi kandi bwatangajwe ko abantu bumva bubashywe n’abo bakundana bagira ibyishimo byinshi mu rukundo kandi bakarushaho kwifuza gukomeza umubano wabo. Abumva basuzuguwe bo bakunda kutanyurwa n’urukundo rwabo, ndetse bamwe bakifuza kuruvamo.
Dr. Gottman nyuma yo kwiga imyitwarire y’ibihumbi by’abakundana mu gihe kingana n’imyaka 40. Yasanze urukundo ruramba iyo rubamo ibikorwa byinshi byiza kurusha ibibi. Mu buryo bworoshye, amagambo meza, gushimira uwo mukundana, kumusekera no kumwereka ko umwitayeho bifasha urukundo rwanyu gukomera.
Ni yo mpamvu umuntu ashobora kuvuga ko akunda undi, ariko ibikorwa bye bikerekana ibinyuranye n’ibyo avuga. Niba ahora amusuzugura, amutesha agaciro cyangwa amufata nabi, ibyo ntibiba bikiri urukundo nyakuri. Biba bisa n’amarangamutima cyangwa inyungu bwite umushakaho aho kuba urukundo rwuzuye.
Umubano mwiza ntushingiye ku gutinya umuntu, ahubwo ushingiye ku kumuha agaciro. Ni yo mpamvu abantu benshi bavuga bati: “Urukundo rutagira icyubahiro ruba ari ukwikunda, si ugukunda mugenzi wawe.”
Mu by’ukuri, gukunda umuntu ni ukumwemera uko ari, ukumwubaha, ukumwitaho ndetse ukamwifuriza ibyiza. Icyubahiro ni cyo gituma urukundo rukura, rugakomera kandi rukaramba.
Urukundo n’icyubahiro ni nk’impanga zidatandukana. Ushobora kuvuga ko ukunda umuntu, ariko niba utamwubaha, urwo rukundo ruba rubura umusingi ukomeye. Urukundo nyarwo rugaragarira mu buryo ufata uwo ukunda, mu magambo umukoresha no mu gaciro umuha buri munsi. “Icyubahiro ni imizi, urukundo rukaba ururabo.” Urwo rurabo ntirushobora kurabya igihe imizi yarwo yumye.