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Menya ibintu 16 ukwiye kwitwararika niba uguye gitumo uwo mwashakanye ari kuguca inyuma

Yanditswe na: Clementine Uwiringiyimana
Taliki:30/03/2020 16:56
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Gufatira mu cyuho uwo mwashakanye aryamanye n’undi mugabo ni kimwe mu bintu bibabaza abagabo, bagatangira kwishinja amakosa, kwirengagiza ibyabaye, kurwana n’ibindi bibazo by’urusobe nyamara usanga byose ntacyo bishobora kugufasha.



Mu gutegura iyi nkuru hibanzwe ku bintu 16 bibi udakwiye gukora igihe ufashe uwo mwashakanye asambana n’undi muntu. Numenya ibyo udakwiriye gukora biraza kukwerekeza ku mahitamo wakora igihe wisanze muri iki kibazo.

1. Guhubuka

April Davis, washizwe ikigo gihuza abantu avuga ko ikosa rikomeye umuntu akwiye kwirinda igihe afashe uwo bashakanye amuca inyuma ari ugukoreshwa n’uburakari n’umujinya. Ngo agomba kubanza gutuza agategura icyo agiye kuvuga no gukora.

2. Gusaba ibisobanuro byimbitse

Inzobere mu by’imitekerereze Nicole Prause avuga ko igihe ufashe umugore wawe asambana udakwiye guhita umubaza ibibazo bituma umenya uko igikorwa cyagenze. Ibibazo birimo nka mwahuye mute? Ni gute yagusomye?. Ngo bituma ikibazo gikomera kurushaho. Ikiza ni ukwirinda kubaza ibisobanuro byimbitse kuko bikuremamo ishusho ishobora kugutera ibibazo byo mu mutwe.

3. Kwigereranya n’umugabo waguciye inyuma

Dr. Catherine Jackson, inzobere mu by’imibanire y’abakundana avuga ko kwigereranya n’umugabo waguciye inyuma ari bumwe mu buryo bubangukira abagabo igihe bafashe umugore wabo abaca inyuma ariko ngo ubu buryo ntabwo bukemura ikibazo ahubwo butuma nyiri ukwigereranya ababara kurushaho.

4.Irinde kwishinja amakosa

Bamwe babona abo bahaye icyizere babagambaniye bakaryamana n’abandi bagabo bakicuza. Dr. Heather Z. Lyons, umwarimu w’imitekerereze muri Kaminuza ya Loyola akaba n’umujyanama w’abakundana avuga ko gufata umugore wawe ukishinja amakosa biba bishingiye ku makuru atariyo, cyangwa amakuru y’igice, ngo ni ukwirema agatima ariko ntabwo bishobora kugufasha kudakomereka igihe kirekire.

5. Kwanga kwemera ibyo ubonye

Bamwe mu bagabo iyo bahuye n’ikibazo cyo gufata umugore wabo abaca inyuma, bahita basubira inyuma bakagerageza kubyiyibagiza. Ubu buryo nabwo ngo si bwiza.

Celia Schweyer, inzobere mu bijyanye no guhuza abakundana, avuga ko byonyine kumenya ko umukunzi wawe yaguciye inyuma ari bibi ariko ngo ikibi cyane ni ukubakubita ijisho ugahita usubira inyuma udahamagaye umugore wawe mu izina, ngo umwereke ko umukunda kandi ko utishimiye kuba wamutakaza.

6. Gushyira ubutumwa ku mbuga nkoranyambaga

Imbuga nkoranyambaga zabaye igice cy’ubuzima bw’abantu, hari ubwo wibwira ko nushyira kuri Facebook na Instagram ikibazo cyawe bwite uhuye nacyo abantu bagufasha kugikemura ariko sibyo. Celia Schweyer inzobere mu by’inkundo z’abagabo n’abagore avuga ko abenshi baba abareba gusa, bityo icyubahiro cyawe ukaba uragitakaje nta n'umuti w’ikibazo ubonye.

7. Guhita utanga imbabazi

Kevin Darné, wanditse igitabo yise My Cat Won’t Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany), avuga ko umuntu wagize akamenyero ko guca inyuma umugabo we, iyo afashwe ahita asaba imbabazi, ku buryo umugabo ashobora gusanga yaguye mu mutego wo gutanga imbabazi nyamara ataragira imbaraga zo gutanga imbabazi.

Ibi ngo bimugiraho ingaruka cyane cyane iyo abonye ko umugore we nubwo yamubabariye ntacyo yakoze cyerekana ko yahindutse nyuma yo kubabarirwa.

8. Ibyanjye nawe birangiriye aha

Darné avuga ko bamwe mu bagabo iyo bafashe abagore babo bahita bavuga ko amasezerano bagiranye arangiye. Ngo ibi ni amakosa kuko hari abo umubano wabo urushaho kuba mwiza kurusha mbere kuko uwakoze ikosa ryo guca inyuma mugenzi we hari ubwo afata igihe agasanga yarahemutse agasaba imbabazi zimuvuye ku mutima kandi agafata icyemezo cyo kutazongera kubabaza umukunzi we na rimwe.

9. Kwihorera

Bamwe mu bagabo iyo bafashe umugore wabo yagiye gusambana ahandi nabo bajya gusambana ahandi. Inzobere Schweyer ati “Ugira ngo uri kubabaza umugore wawe n’uwo wabafatanye ariko uba uri kwikomeretsa. Ntabwo bishobora kuba igisubizo ahubwo bisenya urugo rwanyu rwari rugifite igaruriro”

10. Kwangiza ibikoresho bye

Schweyer avuga ko iyo ufashe umugore wawe asambana ukagenda ukadukira amafoto ye ugashwanyaguza cyangwa ugafata ibikoresho ukamenagura uba utari gukemura ikibazo ahubwo uba uri kurangaza amarangamutima yawe. Ushobora kwikururira ibibazo na polisi zikabizamo ugafungwa kandi washoboraga gutwara ikibazo gake kigakemuka.

11. Kubikuza amafaranga yose kuri Banki

Iyo ufashe umugore wawe asambana ukajya kuri banki ukamaraho amafaranga ngo umuhime nawe uba atangiye kwihima kuko ayo mafaranga urayasesagura kandi uba warayagezeho akuvunnye ndetse n’ibyo uba warayateganyirizaga byose uba ubyangije utabigezeho nawe ingaruka zikaba zakugeraho wibwira ko uri guhima umugore gusa.

12. Gufata imyanzuro ikakaye

Lyons avuga ko gucibwa inyuma bikwiye gukemurwa nk’uko bakemura ihungabana, uwaciwe inyuma n’uwaciye inyuma bombi bahura n’iri hungabana umutima ugatera cyane, kurya bikamunanira, igihe wumva ikibazo kikurenze ugomba kureba abajyanama mu by’ihungabana.

Iyo umuntu yahungabanye ntabwo ubwonko bwe buba buri 'tayari' ku buryo yafata ibyemezo. Ni yo mpamvu umuntu ufashe umugore asambana akwiye kwirinda guhita afata ibyemezo bikomeye ahubwo agategereza akazabanza agatuza.

13. Kwihisha

Bamwe mu bagabo iyo bafatiye mu cyuho umugore wabo abaca inyuma baratoroka bakajya kwihisha nko kwa nyina n’ahandi kure adashobora kuboneka byoroshye. Ibi ngo ni bibi kuko biba ari ukwihunza ikibazo nyamara ngo ikibazo uko urushaho kucyegera kirushaho gukemuka.

14. Kwirengagiza amarangamutima

Jackson avuga ko iyo ufashe umugore wawe asambana ukigira nk'aho nta cyabaye kugira ngo utababara uyu mwanzuro uba ufashe ari mubi kuko biba bizakugarukamo ukababara nyuma igihe kirekire.

15. Ntukwiye kwemera ko abandi bagutegeka icyo ukora

Ushobora kureba abantu bake barimo inshuti zawe n’abo mu muryango bakamenya ibyabaye ariko ni byiza ko ubanza ukabitekerezaho neza. Jackson avuga ko ari amakosa kumva ko abandi ari bo bari bugufashe gukemura iki kibazo kurenza uko wowe wakikemurira. 

Ati "Ukwiriye gufata umwanya wawe ugahitamo uko ikibazo gikemuka udahaye urwaho abantu ngo bagutegeke uko ukemura ikibazo kuko ntibaba bazi icyo uwo muntu asobanuye mu buzima bwawe. Ushobora kuba ukimukeneye kandi nawe akigukeneye".

16. Kutivuza

Tzlil Hertzberg, inzobere mu buvuzi bukoresha imibonano mpuzabitsina (sex therapy) avuga ko igihe wumva wananiwe kwakira ko umugore wawe yaguciye inyuma ugomba kujya kwa muganga bakagufasha.

Muri iyi nkuru mwakunze kubona tugaruka ku bagabo gusa kuko nibo bihutira gufata imyanzuro kandi ikakaye, nyamara n’abagore birabareba. Ntukwiye guhubukira umwanzuro uwo ariwo wose igihe uguye gitumo uwo mwashakanye aguca inyuma kuko bishobora kurushaho kuzamba nyamara byashobokaga ko mwiyunga ndetse urukundo rukaba rwaryoha kurushaho.






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