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Abagore 7 ku mpamvu zabateye guca inyuma abakunzi babo

Yanditswe na: UDAHOGORA Vanessa Peace
Taliki:4/06/2018 13:50
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Abantu batandukanye bajya mu rukundo ikintu cya mbere bashaka ari urukundo ruzira uburyarya no gucana inyuma. Benshi mu batandukanye bagiye bapfa iki kintu cyo gucana inyuma ndetse ababiciyemo bahamya ko bibabaza cyane.



Gusa ngo n’ubwo umuntu abifata nk’aho nta mpamvu yagakwiye gutuma umuntu aca inyuma uwo bakundana, abagore 7 bagiye batanga ubuhamya bujyanye n’icyabateye guca inyuma abo bakundana. Iyo habaye gutandukana hagati y’abakundana bapfuye gucana inyuma, uwaciye inyuma akenshi niwe ukunda gutungwa agatoki. Ariko n’ubwo uwaciye inyuma ari we ufatwa nk’uwakosheje, hagarutswe kuri zimwe mu mpamvu zituma abaca inyuma babikora.

1. “Sinari gutandukana nawe kubera abana”

Uyu ni umwe mu baciye inyuma uwo bashakanye. Avuga ko umugabo we yamuciye inyuma inshuro nyinshi nyamara gufata umwanzuro wo gutandukana nawe ukaba wari ukomeye cyane kubera ko bafitanye abana. Agira ati “Nahisemo kwihorera nanjye mukorera ibyo ankorera. Gusa ndabyicuza, iyo mbimenya nari gutandukana nawe ntabanje kumuca inyuma. Twaje gutandukana hashize amezi 2”

2. “Sinari mbanye neza n’uwo dukundana, uko twari tubanye ntibyari bimpagije”

“Numvaga uko dukundana bidahagije, sinari nishimye.”

3. “Namuciye inyuma kubera ko yagendaga yongera agaruka”

Uyu we avuga ko umukunzi we yamuretse agasanga undi mukobwa, hanyuma mu gihe yatangiye kumenyerana n’undi musore, uwo bakundanaga aragaruka bariyunga gusa akomeza kuryamana na wa musore waje baratandukanye.

4. “Nashakaga ko bimpa imbaraga zo kumureka”

“Uwo twakundanaga ntiyamfataga neza, nifuzaga kumureka ariko nkumva sinshaka n’iryo rungu ryo kuba njyenyine. Ubwo nahisemo kumuca inyuma ngo ndebe ko byampa imbaraga zo kumwikuramo. Gusa siko byagenze, twaje gutandukana yarabimenye ko namuciye inyuma, twarababaye twembi, na n’ubu sindibabarira”

5. Numvaga ndi kuba mushya, yakoraga byose umugabo wanjye adakora

“Byayangiye antumira ngo dusangire ibya saa sita, mpageze ankururira intebe, twaganiraga andeba mu maso, hakurikiraho gusangira akarahuri ka wino nyuma y’akazi, numvaga ndi guhinduka undi muntu. Yakoraga byinshi umugabo wanjye atabaga yitayeho, rimwe tugeze mu igaraje turasomana, numvaga mfite ubwoba ariko twahise dupanga kuzahurira muri hoteli ngo turyamane. Nkunda umugabo wanjye, ni umubyeyi mwiza ku bana bacu, tumaranye imyaka 7 ariko uwo mugabo wundi yatumye numva nsa n’uvuye mu icuraburindi, ampa ibyishimo bidasanzwe.”

6. “Yampozaga ku nkeke”

Uyu mugore avuga ko umugabo bashakanye yahoranaga amaganya ndetse amuhoza ku nkeke. Yagize ati “buri gihe yabonaga ibintu bitagenda neza. Nahoraga nibaza icyo ari butahe avuga kuri uwo munsi ku buryo urugo rwacu rwari rwarabaye nko gucunganwa n’amakosa. Numvaga ari ikibazo kugeza ubwo mpuye n’umuganga w’ibijyanye n’imitekerereze. Numvaga bimpa umutuzo iyo nabaga navuye kumuganiriza, najyaga gutaha tugahoberana, dukomeza kumenyerana nza no kuryamana nawe.”

7. “Umugabo wanjye amaze amezi 9 akorera mu kindi gihugu”

Navuga ko kumuca inyuma byatewe no kwikunda. Turavugana kenshi gusa ni umusirikare ari mu kazi mu kindi gihugu, amaze amezi 9. Irungu ni ryinshi, umunsi umwe njya mu kabari njyenyine ndi gutekereza cyane, haza umugabo atangira kunganiriza. Ni umujyi muto, abantu bose baraziranye, yari abizi neza ko umugabo wanjye adahari. Ntashye yaramperekeje tugeze imbere y’iwanjye niho naciye umugabo wanjye inyuma. Byose byarangiriye mu modoka.”

Mu myaka 28 ishize umubare w’abagore baca inyuma wiyongereyeho 40%

Mu bijyanye no guca inyuma. Abagabo nibo bakunze gutungwa agatoki. Mu gitabo cya Esther Perel yise State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, yagaragaje ko guhera muri 1990, umubare w’abagore baca inyuma abo bashakanye wazamutseho 40%. Hari impamvu nyinshi zigenda zitera uku kwiyongera, ku isonga hakabaho ikoranabuhanga ryoroshya itumanaho kandi rigasibanganya ibimenyetso.

Benshi mu bagore baganiriye na Esther Perel bavuga ko kubaka umuryango bigora ku buryo aho gusenya bahitamo gushaka izindi nzira zo gukemura ibibazo byaba ibishingiye kum arangamutima, ibyifuzo by’umubiri ndetse n’ibindi bashakanye bahuriraho. Ikindi cyagarutsweho ni ubwigenge n’ijambo umugore wo muri iyi minsi afite. Mu gihe mu myaka yatambutse abagore wasangaga nta mirimo yinjiza cyane mu ngo zabo bakora, bityo no kubaho bameze nk’abari mu gicucucucu cy’abagabo babo bigatuma nta mwanya wo kujya gucana inyuma uboneka.

Mu kindi gitabo cyitwa The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife: Power, Pragmatism, and Pleasure in Women’s infidelity, havugwa uburyo abagore bafite ubushobozi bwo kwitunga. Ba bandi bdafite ubwoba bw’imibereho nyuma yo gutandukana n’umugabo ari bo bakunze guca inyuma abo bashakanye.

SRC: CNN, The Insider






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